come saturday.

listening to: breathe.

You know how some songs just seem to touch you the first time you hear them? This is one of them and it's...just difficult for me to accept who I am or what I'm doing after hearing it. I wish I knew what I was doing, or doing for, for that matter. Never mind if I don't make sense amidst all that mumbo-jumbo. I don't even make sense to myself most of the time.

GP exam was eventful. Spent the whole time trying to fit all that I read the day before the exam into "categories" and "examples". Hm. I think I didn't do very well for the essay, considering the fact that I didn't challenge the assumption in the question. I tried very hard to give a good range of examples to substantiate my points though! Am hoping against all odds that my effort will pay off!

"I knew you guys would do that question!"

oh-kay.

Writing here sometimes is very hard. I try to self censor. Even after all that censoring that goes on around me. Is it even true that as we become more educated, we are sort of free-er in that sense? My first instinctive response was "hell, no!" but let's be more rational than that, shall we? heh.

I love reading blogs that make me feel as if there's this really interesting person on the other side that I'm dying to meet. One of them is on my opendiary networks. He doesn't write in a pretentious manner and everything seems so...sincere. So heartfelt. It's as if he's really jotting down what he thinks about stuff around him, be it his performances at school or his everyday life in Boston, no less. He's an undergraduate studying at Berklee College of Music. Wow. I admire his bravery. Much as I love music to bits, I don't think I can ever muster the courage to do a major in music. Perhaps that explains why as I listened to his podcast about his preparation for his proficiency exam in guitar for the semester, I felt so sad inside because...it's something I desperate want to experience for myself - that anxiety before the exam, that devotion to what you believe in, that commitment to the development of your inner self, that musical side to everyone. And you know what the weirdest thing about the whole thing was? I had that sudden impulse to want to talk to him, about everything he's doing. Granted I can do that over the internet...but there's something that a face to face conversation can do that one over the plain computer screen cannot do, you get what I mean?

I'm quite happy where I am now. I'm just afraid of whether I'll ever lose this side of me to think hard about things about me when I grow up, lost in the never-ending rat race to earn the Big Million. I see adults about me who are contented to take things at face value and I choose not to believe that they choose to do so, but they do it because they don't have time to ponder about it?

Stop thinking so much. I should do more maths. Yes, more structured maths.