Should I really be unhappy?

Lately, that's a question that I've been pondering about - one reason which has kept me from blogging here, 'cause I don't want to talk crap here and sound stupid or anything.

Am I really unhappy? Do I even have the right to declare myself unhappy? Especially when my problems seem so trite in comparison to others?

Yes, shit happens. That's a universal fact. It's even in accordance to Murphy's Law! A law, no less! Just like how I was sent out of class (!!) the other day for not doing my transport in mammals review. Aside the humiliation of having to walk out of the laboratory with my notes and pencil case in hand, I think it spoke more about how responsible I am. That really spoilt my day...even though I was too proud to admit it to Tiffany when she asked me why I said "monday really sucks". As if that needed explanation in the first place, lol.

Digressed again. Same ol' me. Point being, this "shit" that happens isn't anything that is causing me extreme pain or agony, not exerting much stress on me...and yet I enjoy whining about it? Each time I whine, it's one of those "hey, I shouldn't be saying that" moments. Things you regret saying the moment you say them. Really. Yes, given that such reminders should help theoretically and that the number of times I use the word "shit" should diminish at an exponential rate (shit, I didn't do my tutorials. Shit, we have PE tomorrow. Shit...oh bother!), but it's not really helping as much as I thought it be. I just end up being a grumpy ol' bugger, whinging away. ARGH. I need someone to stop me. Punish me or something. Negative reinforcement seems to work for me. Cue Skinner.

I like what I'm doing. I enjoy singing, though not exactly the hours. I enjoy my subjects. Even maths is showing signs of "do-ability"! I'm curious about things happening around me. I love the way I'm thinking more maturely now...even though my GP grades are still faaaaar from stellar. I'm doing S papers that I like. I have time to practise on the piano, though I totally suck balls at it. Mozart rolls in his grave as I play his sonatas, I assure you. I'm even going to learn how to play tennis, at long last! So much to be thankful for, even amidst the "shit" that piles up from time to time. Yes, it's a good day.

My school is full of peculiarities, some of which never fail to amaze me. Just yesterday, we had "Yoghurt Day", whatever its significance is. Halfway through econs tutorial while our class was engaging in -relatively- active discussion about how governments can seek to increase invesment (oooooo! i hear non-econs people going wow already. heh.) in a country, Mr PPC (another econs allusion, all you non-econs people!) annouced over the PA system that all CT reps were to assemble in the General Office at once. Like hello??? There are 50 of them I think, all trying to squeeze into that miserable General Office? Even my tutor was amused! And when kaiqian came back with a box of yoghurt, you can tell that half the class was suspecting that it was a sinister ploy to get rid of yoghurt that is about to expire by feeding it to hapless students like us. Evil, evil, evil. Ha. Just kidding. I drank the yoghurt anyway. It didn't come with a spoon.

The chairs in the cafe (which happens to be called "Good News" cafe. very paradoxical, given the prices of the food and the rather run down state of the cafe...) are rotten. Broken arm rests and even an unstable seat! SHEESH. I can't believe students, who can do advanced integration and organic chemistry, can't even take care of CHAIRS. We're not even talking about pet hamsters who die mysterious deaths. Just non-living, stationary, hardly attractive...well, chairs. How befuddling. And there's the broken taps as well. As in, sinks that break along with the taps. Our school should come up with a tabloid paper for such stuff.

"Sink in boys toilet break again."

In view of how frequent this could occur, I don't even think it'll make the headlines.

Yay! My group for Youth for Causes is off to a good start. Hope we'll get shortlisted for the project.

MP attachment thing is pending. I have no idea whether I'm selected or not. Chances are, it's the latter case. Shit happens, shit happens.

Managed to complete (or so I presume, considering the BLANKS. oh darn the blanks.) S maths tutorial today! One down.

Confessions of a different kind.

After having fought the Evils of Maths S and Chem S over the past few days, I'm completely exhausted! It wrecks my mind everytime I have to solve a 10 mark Maths S question...just because they're waaaay outta my league. I feel intimidated sitting beside brilliant people during the lectures. SHEESH.

Just as running a marathon is exhausting, so is taking the A levels. OK. That was just to test out one of the new sentence structures that I learnt. Right. Felt good.

Sigh. Will talk more tomorrow. Busy registering for SATs now. And golly! There are like 20 pages before I even get to choose my test centre!

A piece from a puzzle.

Ok, got tagged by tiffany (!!) to do a quiz thingy about what I look out for in a mate. HM. That came at quite an appropriate moment considering yesterday was valentine's day. Here goes nothing!

The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover. Need to mention the sex of the target. Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment on their page saying they've been tagged. If tagged the 2nd time, theres no need to post.

gender: female

1) Must be mature - I just can't bloody stand girls who act cute the whole day! It really gets on my nerves. RAWR. That being said, I don't want to have a nerd as a girlfriend as well...by mature, I mean...able to connect with me on an intellectual level? And able to form opinions for herself? *nods*

2) Must like music - AMEN. 'Nuff said. It doesn't have to be classical music, though! If she can appreciate the works of famous composers...well, more brownie points for her I guess!

3) Must be shorter than me - I won't be able to stand the way she deflates my ego exponentially by the second when she stands next to me. This is a limiting factor (*coughs*bio*coughs*), since I haven't even reached The Great 170cm.

4) Trust me to not ask me where I went and who I'm with every single flippin' second. I don't need a mum for a girlfriend!

5) Be eloquent. Nothing beats having to talk about banal topics while I search frantically for the next topic to talk about since she only gives monosyllabic answers.

"So, what do you like to do?"
"Read."
"Read what?"
"Novels."

Am I trying too hard? That qualifies as a rhetorical question.

6) Be fluent in English. I -cannot- stand people who hem and haw in English...well, I can take that if that person is a friend, but as a mate...let's just say it'll be less grating on the ears if she can speak fluently in English. No excessive "lahs" and "lohs", please. There! "Excessive" is a caveat already! =)

7) I have a soft spot for people who can sing. But that isn't essential. Again, bonus points go a girl who can sing! Then she can sing with me! *sniggers*

8) Someone who brings the best out of me. Yeah, that's mighty important for me, I suppose. What use is a relationship if both parties are trying to make the other feel as bad as they can be?
Ok, that wasn't hard. PHEW.

Valentine's Day was as usual. Same ol', same ol'. Just grumpy lil' me off in a silly S maths lecture. lol.

I can't believe I thought Sarah was my angel! SHEEEEESH.

My thoughts are sporadic today. Hm. Synapses malfunctioning. Do more work, do more work! My mantra for the week.

Till the weekends!

Melancholic?

Ever felt melancholic all of a sudden? And then all over the moon the next?

Sigh. Lately, that's how I've been feeling for the past few weeks. I know, I know. I've resigned to the whole thing about the class, but it still gets to me.

"I thought you were way above that already."

Yeah, I thought so too.

***

The J1s received their O level results yesterday. Hope they all did alright!

In need of a haircut. And a good talk.

The quiet time for simplicity.

So much has happened over the past two weeks and yet I've only overcome the self-consuming inertia to not blog only now. Says quite a lot, me thinks.

Let's see now...One of the highlights would definitely be that I watched "Memoirs of a Geisha"! The ticket only set me back by 5 dollars, so I didn't really mind. Afterall, I watched the trailer of the movie once on the AXN channel and was instantly hooked by how cinematic the whole movie was. And it's true, especially since the movie was produced by Steven Spielberg and directed by what's his name again. The movie left much food for thought...about the role of women, the definition of a geisha and how one should perceive a geisha. I'm convinced that they aren't just prostitutes. I didn't think of them that way in the first place...To have to have sell your own body takes more than just choice, I think. It could be how circumstances were that somehow forced one into the decision. Like how Chiyo was sold to the Japanese gentleman. Pardon even the use of the word "gentleman", sigh.

I managed to have dinner with Amy, Lois and Eunice at Junction 8. Yes yes, much needed conversation. I learnt a lot about them, but to a certain extent, I was dismayed by the fact that she didn't confide in us something else that happened that I know of. The lack of trust? Which then begs the question of "why?". Sometimes, I'd rather not know. The dinner was great nonetheless - sushi, green tea (which we didn't know we had to pay a dollar for...) and even better company.

Fridays are generally rather dreadful, if only because of PE. I know, I hate to whine about things that I have no control over, especially one as distressing as PE. I've never been exceptionally athletic, what with Christl joking over the fact that what my classmate said about me wearing contacts for the sake of sports being the greatest joke of the century. Nevertheless, I enjoy running, very much. In a weird...and well, sadistic sense. I like the feeling of adrenalin rushing through the veins, even as I experience the slight discomfort in my tummy (ooer! not good.) and also the way I have to push myself to the limit each time I run along the "victory road" - so termed because it marks the end of the gruelling run. Oh yes. That's the toughest part, most ironically. I feel most tempted to give up there! Sheesh. That's when all the "get moving! get moving!" comes in. Love the feeling at the end of the run. And I did 5 pullups! In a row! That's a huuuuuge achievement for me. Call it self-induced peer pressure. Ha. Whatever.

Weekends have been great. Didn't do any work till today, which resulted in the wrist-breaking 3 hour sessions of tutorials. Wicked wicked tutorials.

















The saddest thing about the dinner - only one *rather poorly taken* picture. SIGHHH.