Of random thoughts

This week has been great. And I hope it stays this way for the rest of the year.

Let's see now...

No PE? Check!

No 4pm day on Friday? Check!

5 day holiday in sight? Check!

"Memoirs of a Geisha" movie on Friday? Check!

Endless mahjong games just around the corner? Check, amen!

I can't help beaming over all that has happened this week. Two days down and less than two more before we're temporarily released from the fetters of school and all the neverending stacks of tutorials for 4 and half a days! Cue "WOOZA!". CUE! *leaps around the room*

That being said, of course there were days where I had some crappy classes. But oh well, details, details, details - who needs them? Especially when it pertains to issues such as tutorials held in a deadened atmosphere and where both the "searcher" and the "expert"(Plato might kill me on this one...) can't be bothered about whatever is going on in the lesson. SIGH. GP lessons, on the other hand, have been surprisingly fun and thought provoking! Woot. In fact, most of the stuff we're covering now, such as the anatomy of the heart for biology, the workings on the national economy for *obviously* economics and applications of differential equations for maths are pretty pleasing topics, I must admit. Amidst all the trudging from one classroom to the other and whining needlessly about the banal tutorials, I can't deny the fact that I actually enjoy learning. Yay! Rousseau will be proud of me, even though I'm dictated to learn instead of me making inferences for myself. GP lessons should touch more on philosophy, it's so much fun. It really redefines how you think about certain issues about you and how you think about how you perceive the world. Sure, I don't really agree with everything the philosophers have said, but at least I take what I want and I integrate it into my thinking, I suppose. Tons better than going through endless questions (*coughs*chem s*coughs*) and just revising really lame stuff.

J1s in the choir are extremely promising. I can already hear the potential in them. It's hardly surprising given that most of them already have received choral training and they have good voices, but they still need to work on the pitch. That can be fixed with time. I just wish I had the right placement for my voice! Placement is crucial in singing because it determines a lot about the tone of your voice and how it works. I was told once that some people can spend years looking for the right placement while others, such as the juniors(!!), can find it in much less time. Lucky bastards. RAWR. I have been working on it for so long and it's tiring and demoralising trying (almost in vain) to find that Holy Grail - the placement, which inevitably means, the voice.

Will be meeting up with ex-church friends to have dinner soon! I can't wait. It's always nice to catch up and talk about church stuff and just basically pig out for a day. To do it in good company just adds to the fun.

Looking forward to "Memoirs of a Geisha" on Friday! *hops about in utter excitement* I've been dying to watch the show ever since I caught the trailer on AXN the other day. Zhang Ziyi is drop dead gorgeous - you can quote me on this one. Yes yes. And people, stop gushing over Gong Li and claim that she's prettier than Zhang Ziyi, alright? Sheesh!

The mugger in me?

Yay! We have received our 16PF test results! It's just one of those really standard psychometric tests that we were required to sit for last year. I'm just glad that I didn't turn out to be freak, according to the test results. Some of the test results pointed to things frightfully true, like how I'm so serious and all and how I tend to prefer working by myself. I wish I didn't though...It's always good to be a team player, but somehow, I prefer feeling in control of what happens around me. Call it self-reliant or reclusive, whatever.

My brother was hospitalised yesterday, apparently after he fell off his bike while cycling along the road just outside Seletaris. Really, he should take better care of himself! Now, he's covered in bruises and abrasions. While there aren't any serious fractures, but that ought to teach him a lesson or two about wearing a helmet, albeit a fugly one, out when he goes biking. Ha! I should take a picture of him in his clothes there. It's kinda funny how 'cause he's been admitted into the kids ward where everyone else in the other wards are all infants...so he's like the oldest one there. There are even pictures of teddy bears on his clothes! Both front and back to boot. Haha...even for him to stop and gasp when he saw them. Heh.
















Now that's what I call a vending machine!

I finally finished those 5 questions of chemistry "S". Sheesh. One question is worth 20 marks...so even if it's 20 marks worth of mole concept, it takes up a huge chunk of my afternoon.

Shu and I just talked about whether it's more important to study law/med here or get a scholarship and study abroad. Yes, recently, I've been torn between the two and I've been giving both issues serious thought. As I said, I should only concentrate on working hard so that I achieve good enough results to even enter the interview room! Haha...So for now, I'm just aiming...and seeing what comes about later on.

Linxin, Joce, Edmund and I have started to meet up every Friday to have a little fellowship together. It's a fantastic idea, really, especially in the view of how I've been drifting further and further away from God. It's not the first time that I've been pondering over the issue of religion and where it's leading me. No, I haven't become so distant from God that I don't pray anymore, but I don't see the point of going to church anymore, as compared to staying home and recouping my sleep debt. ARRRGH. It's grating on the nerves.

Should scoot to get my stationery and chrysanthemum(!!) flower for bio prac tomorrow.

***

One day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday.

When will the week come to an end?

I know, I know.

I live for the weekends, alright? I don't hate the lessons or what, since I can feel myself still learning something and not wasting my time in school doing inane stuff like Project Work. Thank God time has put an end to that frustrating and time-sapping SOB. Phew. Now just gotta wait for the weekends. And for that grade for PW.

PE lessons have been boring lately. Aside from the fact that guys are supposed to do as many limb-breaking pullups as possible, we run. And run. And...well, run. One round around the Chinese High if you're having a one period PE, two rounds if you're having two. 3 periods in a row, well, good luck. HAHA! My poor friend was so tired she could hardly walk after the third period of PE. Heh.

It's suddenly hit me how close to reality I am from where I stand now. It's one of those epiphanies whereby you go "hey, where on earth am I going to go from here?" Yes, there's the painful reminder of the slogging in the army, but after that? What course in university? Which university?

I know most of the answers to those questions hinge on the A level exam...THE most important exam. If you thought O level was tough, wait till you see the big mama that awaits you after two years. It's a whole new playing field, to quote my chemistry teacher. Riiiiiight. Like most of us really need the reminder that the A levels are really important and can't be further emphasised. It's hard having to take that all in, the fact that after A levels, we're going to leave hwachong - for greener pastures, I hope. Not that hwachong has been bad, but you get the drift. For the guys, well, it's the army! *orgasmic squeals* I'd be lying through my teeth if I told you I'm not anxious about all that belies all the posters that advertise for the army.

The double honours programme in Econs and Law sounds really good. Ha. But you gotta be kidding! I can't do law! It's for the "to be or not to be" humanities students!

Another day down. YES. Completed my work for the day, so I think I deserve another early night. Cheap compensation for my effort. Like I can reward myself any other way without hurting myself. Yeah. *rolls eyes*

Counting my blessings

Having spent the whole morning doing my National Income Accounting tutorial really is frustrating. GDP, GNP, NI...and a whole lot more acronyms! Economists really dig them, I tell you.

Lately, life has been good, unless one considers those -rather- exhausting PE lessons. Sigh. To look at it from the bright side, it builds up one's stamina blah blah blah, in preparation for the NAPFA test...more blahs...But hell, it really sucks. Now will someone please remind me that it's going to be at least ten times worse in the army *coughs and sputters at the sight of the word* and that I should be counting my blessings now? Yes, I should. Hearing about all the tales about NS is really unnerving.

I managed to meet up with Judith the other day to have a short talk about what's going on in our lives and whatnot. Taking 3 CCAs is definitely not fun. Not when there are teachers pulling you apart in all directions asking for work to be done! Although choir has been largely stressful, I think I still derive joy from it...singing with friends and just enjoying their company. Sure, we get tied down with competitions and the time contraints, but it's...different. In RV, we had the luxury of time to learn songs...and pretty fun ones at that! Les miserables, phantom of the opera, magnificat and loads more. But in jc, everyone's rushing for time. That's when the stress starts to pile up, I guess. And singing's no easy feat! GRRR. I hate it when people assume that we just have a whale of a time in the AVA room, having it easy.

Have I changed a lot? That's something I have to think about, I guess. It's always a topic that appears in every conversation with an ol' friend and I've come to think that people always view changes as bad. Subconsciously, we're always trying to project how we perceived our friend in the past and trying in vain to conserve that "sweet" memory that we somehow overlook the changes in them? I'd like to think that most people become better with time (just like how wine does...though I can't really vouch for that!) but ho hum. Shan't comment about that.

To be a better man. Yes.

Changing focus?

Sharing a room with my brother can be highly infuriating at times. He can be such an ogre and I hate myself for condoning and giving in to some of his peculiar habits. RAWR. I know, some of you are going to preach to me about how I should love my brother and the whole 孔融让梨 (sic?) story, but if you haven't lived with this horrible room mate for a day (he sleeps at 2am!!! With the lights fully on! Talk about spotlights. I feel like a celebrity already), you haven't seen half of what he can do yet. So. For now, I'm just going to calm down...and do weird breathing exercises (cue Christl!) to appease my brewing anger. ROAAAAAR.

The weekends have been productive. Somehow or another, there came a time when I realised it's important to rate my weekend on a scale of one to ten, in terms of productivity and amount of time spent to tend to those highly strung nerves during the weekdays. It's mechanical, but...necessary. Hm, let's see now. I managed to finish the whole of integration tutorial 3 without much as a stumble, I wrapped up my brand new chemistry textbook, I packed up and sorted out my iTunes song library and I practised the item for wednesday together with my choir friends! That deserves a big woozah already!

Digressing a little, Christl and I had yet another good talk the other as I was coming back from the song practice. As usual, we whined (yes, quite often!) about our work and our commitments and how the juggling is going to kill us this year. Reached this topic about how we're going to achieve the best possible results for the A levels (read: 4As. 2 distinctions not really, but would be good. lol.)...and we agreed that it's a melange of hard work and perseverance. Perseverance! Ha. Tell me about it. I can already start to feel the heat from the first week of school! Boo. All the teachers are reminding us how important it is to start right from the first week and do constant revision. I want to know the notes at the back of my hand but where on the flippin' earth am I going to find the time??? Searched high and low, but haven't arrived at a good timetable. I figured if I managed to finish my tutorials for the week during the weekends, then perhaps I can squeeze in a tiny hour of revision after school everyday. Especially after those long choir days. Sheesh. God knows how fatigued I am after 8pm! I can hardly keep my eyes open!

Sigh. The prelude has started. I've a bad feeling that it's going to be a mad rush from now on...so I'm glad I treasured the time I had during the holidays. Haha...

Anyway, I'm off to a good start to my resolutions! For one, I'll be running every week (I hope!) with Christl from now on to train up for NAPFA. Yes, I know. Christl is a girl. But hey, she's very fit, ok? She runs faster than me!! Sheesh. OK. Concrete goals. Faster than 12 minutes for NAPFA. Yes yes.

***

The rain does funny things to me. Makes me really sleepy.

I'm totally random.

First thoughts of the first week.

Yes, 2005 is over. It's time to welcome the new year. For some mysterious reason, I wasn't exactly looking forward to the new year, despite all the talking I did with Christl the other day about how we should prepare ourselves for it.

Stress levels have reached an all-time high. Just last tuesday, I was uptight about the two tests that were on the following day and about the fact that I didn't have enough pants to wear because so many of them had stains nearer the ends which are hard to remove. I keep telling myself and reminding oh-so-forgetful me that I shouldn't be sweating the small stuff. That not all tests are worth mugging as hard for as the promos. And that I should be seeing things as they come along. Looks like I need more reminding. The tests per se did go ok, but I wish I had handled the stress better. It's my "final" year in school before I'm thrown out into the jungle to fend for myself and it's going to be tough.

I'll be doing a short publicity stint, just a short chorus of a song in fact, in front of the college one students in an attempt to convince them to join choir. A test of faith, indeed.

"It's just another performance. It's just another perfomance."

***

I love my subjects to bits. But sometimes, I can't help but feel threatened by maths. It creeps up on you like no other subject does because there's always this subconcious Loss Of Memory when it comes to maths. I'm not afflicted in this horrible manner with other subjects, but maths, well, simply put, I can't remember how to do sums I just studied a few months back! This calls for Urgent Attention. Not forgetting the fact that I have some undone maths tutorials that need to be completed over the weekends.

Ah. The weekends. Bless them.

I live for the weekends.

A fresh slate.

Or not.

It's wonderful how fantastic the new year feels. In fact, it was double kill for me this year because I managed to spend the last few hours of 2005 (oh, I'm getting all nostalgic again!) with my friends from the french immersion programme. Anrong was kind enough to book a suite from Swissotel Merchant Court. Imagine! A suite! It was gigan-tous! We walked from the hotel to Clarke Quay, to the Esplanade, to City Hall mrt station and then finally to the Padang to watch the fireworks from right behind the Esplanade. The fireworks were brilliant...and I was wondering how we always accord fireworks with celebration and jollification. But is it? *shrugs* A new start to an even tougher journey ahead. Tires me even to think of it. The "Yay"-levels, the endless stream of work, the stress, the commitments and of course flippin' NS at the end of it all. All that and...

Why should I even bother counting my eggs before they hatch? Good point.

Overall, 2005 has been a great year for me. Even better when it ended with all my new found friends in the immersion programme. I love you guys. It's amazing how close we are just right after 3 weeks, no? =)

***

It's fitting to come up with resolutions for the new year. Christl and I were just chatting about resolutions for the new year the other day, and she was saying how she made a long list of things she'd do for the new year before the list disappears into the abyss in her cupboard, never to be seen again. Hm. That's not very much of a use, right? I suppose if I blogged it here, I'd be reminded better. Yes.

Top Ten Resolutions for 2006

1* Train everyday in preparation for NAPFA. Oh Lord, you know I've got to get a silver this year!

2* Pass the *bleep* NAPFA with a silver.

3* Guard my tongue more. If you've got nothing nice to say, it's better just to keep your mouth shut. That's something I've realised.

4* Try not to be someone I'm not. Thanks for the reminder from friends around me. =)

5* Strive for 4 "A"s at the looming A levels. RAWR. Going to be a tough one.

6* Keep in contact with the people around me. Stop being a freakin' hermit, Sean!

7* Practise the piano more often and attain a reasonable standard for some of the diploma pieces.

8* Speak more french. Write more french. Read more french. I seriously don't want to lose all that I've learnt after 5 arduous years at the MOELC.

9* Pick up the guitar. I've heard it's rather easy to learn the guitar...But now I just have to figure out a way to get those strings which are caked in dust in tune. Hm...

10* Do my QT more regularly. Yes. I must.

Now now. All in place.

***

I feel like I'm ready for school, but I'm not exactly enjoying it. But it's enough to be ready, no? =)

Hang in there, all you brave comrades! The first public holiday is just around the corner!